p.s.

perfect southern biscuits

2C self-rise flour, martha white or white lily
(OR 2C plain flour with 1 T b.p. and 1 t salt)
6 T cold lard
3/4 - 1 C full-fat buttermilk

flour in bowl. add lard. mix the lard very quickly with your fingers until the mixture looks like coarse meal. your goal in working quickly is to leave behind small bits of lard, which will melt during baking and leave light "flakes." if you don't work quickly and with a light hand, you will melt the lard. add smaller amount of buttermilk and mix with hands, lightly. do NOT knead. handle the dough, all through, lightly, keeping those little bits of lard intact. if you need more buttermilk, add.

turn out onto a floured surface. shape lightly into a circle about 1 inch thick. cut with a floured biscuit cutter. a drinking glass of the size you want, with the rim floured, works, too. put cut biscuits on buttered sheet and bake in the middle of the oven at 500 for about ten minutes. if you're like me and your oven smokes at 500, 450 for 15 minutes works just as well.

biscuits should be lightly golden. if you wish, brush with butter when they're hot. cut open and spread with more butter. in fact, when the biscuits are gone, eat the butter plain! rub the butter all over your.......sorry, i got carried away. i do like butter.

lardy, lardy, darothy, aren't we farchanate to be marmans!

i've never claimed that my parents were especially well brought up or well-educated. but one thing i know for sure is that somewhere in the lessons of childhood they failed to learn the appropriate definition of the word, "lard." somewhere in their lives, they came up with the idea that the word "lard" and the word "buttocks" could be used interchangably. for example, "move your lard and let me sit down." "get your lard out of the way: i can't see the tv." "will you get me some ice cream? sure, lardo."

i never realized that lard was a real product, prized for many good reasons by the southern cook.



i moved to north carolina about 33 years ago. at first, i enjoyed having an attitude which i have come to call the "california" attitude, i.e. making fun of everything and everybody, more or less without pausing. once i was asked to give a farewell for a family that was leaving here, and i gave them a gift so that they could have good southern cooking after they moved. it was the item pictured above. i just told them to add it to everything, and they would never miss the south.

now, that was in my snarky years. (aren't you glad those years are over?) now that i've lived here awhile and gained a deep and honest respect and admiration for southern people, i have learned to love southern cooking and lard. but now i know the more subtle flavors of the south. for example, you never put lard in green beans. are you kidding? only fat back, bacon, ham or other smoked pig fat will do.

now you may have a moral and physical (or even emotional or spiritual) repugnance for lard, and i, like everyone else, am trying to eat more healthy food. but you will never make a good southern biscuit unless you use lard. or pie crust. or perfect fried chicken. you can make a very good imperfect chicken without frying it in lard, but why risk it? once or twice a year for perfect biscuits, once a year for perfect pie, and once a year for perfect fried chicken, is not going to kill anyone.




summary: repeat five times out loud: pig fat is our friend.